Selling to the Godfather: How to join the Analog MAFIA*

Selling to the Godfather: How to join the Analog MAFIA *

by Michael A. Burstein

Ever since I was nominated for the John W. Campbell Best New Writer Award, millions of fans have stopped me at conventions to ask how they, too, could sell award-winning stories to Stanley Schmidt at Analog. Well, OK, not millions. More like ten. Or this one guy, at Lunacon, who was mixing up Analog and Asimov's. But I digress.

Anyway, since Bucconeer is honoring the honorable Stan Schmidt by making him a Guest of Honor (without an honorarium), they honored me by asking me to honor their request for a small guide for everyone on how to sell a story to Analog.

Naturally, I turned them down. I didn't know how to sell a story to Analog, or I wouldn't have garnered ten rejection slips between my first two sales to Stan and my next two. I only knew how to sell those four particular stories to Analog, right? But then, the more I thought, the more I realized how valuable such an article might be. After all, I could use the publicity.

So here it is, a list of the five steps you can take to make a sale to Analog.

1. Get as many degrees in science as possible. Everyone knows that Analog writers are all technical wizards who can single-handedly repair hyperspace drives while being chased by the lizards of Epsilon Eridani through a wormhole to the fifth dimension. I, myself earned two degrees in physics to prepare for my eventual low-paying career as a science fiction writer. 2. Start going bald and grow a beard so as to emulate the esteemed editor. I noticed that while I still had my hair and remained clean-shaven, Stan kept sending back TeleAbsence for revision requests. Then it occurred to me that I wasn't doing my bit. So I attended the Clarion Science Fiction and Fantasy Writer's Workshop (which by contract I'm required to mention within the first sixty seconds of any article). While there, I had so much stress and so little time that I lost my hair and my beard grew to immense proportions, despite only being in my mid-twenties. Once I had returned, I rewrote my story, and this time the writing was easy and Stan bought it. I credit Clarion for making me more like Stan Schmidt.
3. Put in music. Stan plays trumpet in a symphony orchestra. He's a sucker for a good music story. 4. Marry a linguist. My wife, Nomi, is a professional linguist, and Stan loves to play with languages himself. At the pre-Hugo reception in Anaheim, I cleverly absented myself from the room after introducing Nomi to Stan. Later, Stan was overheard muttering over and over, "Michael's wife is a linguist. Buy stories from Michael. Michael's wife is a linguist. Buy..." etc.
5. Watch Babylon 5 a lot. (Actually, I have no idea if Stan cares about Babylon 5 at all, so perhaps watching it a lot won't help you sell a story to Analog. But I like the show, and wanted to recommend it, and this is my article. Nyah.)

Finally, and on a serious note, I would say that if you want to sell a story to Stan Schmidt, read the Analog guidelines [send a self-addressed stamped envelope to: Analog Science Fiction and Fact, 1270 Avenue of the Americas, 10th Floor, New York, NY 10020], follow them, and be persistent. Stan, like his predecessors, is committed to finding and publishing new writers who have never sold a story before. I know. I was one of them, and I will always be grateful to Stan Schmidt for his help and his willingness to take a chance on me.

*Making A Frequent appearance In Analog

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