[This message was found in a Captain Morgan's Rum bottle floating in a bathtub of melted ice after our Dead Crab party at LoneStarCon. Your humble editor wishes it clearly understood that he did not write this piratical composition. He has some limits to the degree to which he will carry this pirate stuff. - Ed.]

fFilm Pyrates Set Sail to Baltymoor!!!

by Michael "Bloody Red" Donahue

The Arrghh! fFilm Pyrates are setting sail for Baltymoor Harbor!
There's a rich load of Hollywood gold loading down our cargo
hold as we hoist the mainsail and strike the arc lamps!!! Argghh!

Listen close, Matey, as I heard the Pyrate Pavlat has a hankering
for some SF Cinema! She's been known to show some poor swabs
the inside of a carbon arc lamphouse if they miss a changeover! Argghh!!

We'll deliver our treasure to the Omni Ballroom in 35mm, 16mm,
and that newfangled big screen video projection! We're not afraid
of some TV projection or J. Michael Straczynski! Arggh!! Course,
he did keelhaul that poor fellow at LASFS with his own VCR!
Keep your backs up against the mast when you see him coming,
and better look sharp, lads!

We've got a load of films imported especially from the Asian city
of Hong Kong by First Mate Ric Meyers and the Tai-Seng video
crew!! Eight full hours each day of the best of the Fantasy Asian films—
let's see you try and get any sleep at Bucconeer now! Argghh!!!

Course we'll be having special screenings like of the Hugo Pyrate
nominees! And perhaps some special guests, if they survive the voyage!

And by special order of the Pyrate council—and I don't mind telling
you it involved a bit of bloodshed and knife work like—the AUTHORS
are going to have a say in what gets projected... yes, the Author's
Choice panels are blasting into the Omni, with your favorite SF Author
Captains introducing their especially favorite films, personally selected
by their lordships.

Dead Men Do Tell Tales—We'll be raising the Skull and Crossbones
as we run a special Author's Film series... that's right, films about Authors!!
Barring any hijackings, we're running Dream Child (Lewis Carroll),
Shadowlands (C.S. Lewis), The Whole Wide World (Robert E.
Howard), The Man Who Would Be King (Kipling), and other films
about SF Author scribes. Any suggestions you have for the fFilm
Pyrates will be considered with due weight and merit... and maybe
a free trip to Shanghai! ARGhh!!!

The Pyrates Pomeranz, Overton, Grillot, Shimada, Parker, Edwards,
Williams, and Meyers have joined Bloody Red Donahue, the Pyrate
Splicer King, for the Voyage round Tierra del Fuego to the Eastern
Seaboard! If you want to join up with this scurvy crew e-mail
film@bucconeer.worldcon.org. Oh, and we'll have special guest
Jeffrey B. Walker in the brig to keep us company with special
Hollywood film previews for the voyage! Argghhh! Ha ha ha ha ha!!!